1. The main photo on the amphibians Wikipedia page is this:
LOOK HOW CUTE! OH HE’S JUST SO TINY AND RED AND SWEET AND CUTE OMG I LOVE HIM WHERE CAN I BUY ONE WHERE, WHERE…. Oh, what’s that? He’s called a ‘Strawberry (still cute) poison dart (WTF?!)’ frog? Hello, PetSmart, can I cancel my order please…
2. They have really awesome specie names, like Mudpuppies. MUDPUPPIES. And when you’re
older, Waterdogs. Think about it, an alien crash-lands into a field full of Mudpuppies that you
just so happen to be standing in (we’ll pretend you’re in Texas). The alien wants one Earth
species to probe and, naturally, anally investigate, and another species to give the second half
of his ‘FRIENDS FOREVER’ locket to. You’re a human, he’s a Mudpuppy. Yeah, pants down, dude. Hope you packed your KY jelly.
3. They have multi-jointed fins which are practically legs, so if they totally can’t be bothered
swimming anymore they just stroll along the sea bed instead. Yeah, and they can happily live
underwater OR on land. Paint them grey and stick a Dorito on their backs, you’ve got yourself
some land sharks.
4. Yeah, he might look like your rubbery-to-the-touch water-based pal, but back in the ‘olden days’ frogs were seen as a sign of the Devil. No official word on whether this was due to them being bright red with black, soulless eyes, answering only to the name of ‘poison dart’.
5. They make for truly awesome Iranian proverbs: "When the snake gets old, the frog gets him by
the balls."
6. ‘We all stand together…’ known to kids of my generation as THE FROG SONG! Oh come on, you all know it!
7. And finally, one word. Kermit. I’m still refining my master plan to pillage GaGa’s wardrobe so
that I can steal (and actually wear in public) THIS:
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