Top Five Stories on Google News with the Word "Kissing" in Them as of Sunday 17 July
1. James Bond director Sam Mendes lures Rhys Ifans, who once kissed Daniel Craig
The Telegraph clearly doing a cracking SEO job here. Mostly it’s about Rhys Ifans joining the cast of the next Bond film. And a bit about them doing an on-screen kiss in Enduring Love.
2. Kissing and cuddling more important to men
According to this newspaper in Montreal, men are actually happier in relationships and enjoy a good snuggle. Apparently Japanese men and women are the happiest and most sexually satisfied. The Americans are very much not satisfied.
3. Gardai investigated claim bishop kissed teenage altar boy
Another unhappy tale of a Catholic bishop being a giant pervert. Clearly not happy with men his own age, which is OLD, this wayward religious man went after a teenage boy instead.
4. Questions remain from 'kissing case'
A slightly odd column from a newspaper in Charlotte, N Carolina about a case from 1958 where two schoolboys were accused of rape after a young girl gave them a kiss on the cheek.
5. Harry Potter And The Alternative History of Movie Kisses
Prompted by the furore around the much-anticipated kiss between Hermione and Ron in the new Harry Potter film, this writer provides a list of kisses that are better. Includes such delights as Planet of the Apes, Dumb and Dumber and Jackass 3D.
Showing posts with label Kissing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kissing. Show all posts
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
Sunday, 24 July 2011
KISSING
Hey there bud, what’s wrong? No-one wants to kiss you? Straight, and the person you wanted to kiss turned out to be gay? The person you used to kiss now kisses someone else? Well don’t fret. Because Weezer have written a song for every occasion.
Rivers Cuomo, singer with Weezer, has seen it all. He’s played Johnny Casino in a high school production of Grease. He’s married with a kid. He’s hooked up with fans. He wrote a song about being frustrated that he couldn’t be with a Japanese fan. He was celibate for years. He released an album so raw about heartbreak that he refused to play songs from it for the best part of ten years (though he soon did a U-turn to cash in with the Pinkerton tour, special edition, t-shirt and diary). He’s released one of the worst albums ever made (Make Believe) and two of the best (Blue/Pinkerton). In short - he knows the territory when it comes to heartache and disappointment.
So, here are five heartache scenarios, with a Weezer song to fit. You got the poison? Weez’ got the remedy.
1) No one wants to kiss you. You wouldn’t even kiss yourself.
Pic k yourself out of the gutter, friend – it’s time for a self-esteem injection via song. Rivers used to be ignored at every turn, but these days he’s banging out tunes like The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, where he asserts via spoken word, punkrock choruses and all manner of rock operaesque devices that he’s not just a man, he’s the greatest man. It’s the closest the underdog-loving nerd-heavy underbelly that is geek rock gets to an R Kelly song. I firmly believe every generation gets the Bohemian Rhapsody it deserves – and we have been GOOD. One listen and you’ll believe a dork can fly. Best of luck getting the ladies to be ‘all up on your behind, cos you were born to shine’.
I Am The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived
2) You used to get the kisses, but you’ve become a recluse.
It’s OK. Life gets in the way, you’re working too hard, your friends are married or busy or just rude. It’s time to pick yourself back up and get back to partying while it’s still just arrested development and not a full-blown mid life crisis. The video for this one features Chloe from 24 for full geek points too.
The Good Life (video starring Chloe from 24)
3) Every time you get someone to kiss you, they leave.
“Why bother/It’s gonna hurt me/It’s gonna kill when you desert me/This happened to me twice before/It won’t happen to me anymore”. This is one Weezer track where I wouldn’t recommend taking it at face value. Don’t give up before you’ve even started. But DO put this on in the throes of a breakup to stop you going full melancholy and answering your door in just tears and a dressing gown at 4 in the afternoon. It’s two and a quarter minutes of pure ‘Love? Fuck it.’ Just make sure you don’t mean it forever.
Why Bother
4) You’re straight, but the person you want to kiss is gay.
Sure it’s a niche problem, but not too niche for the mighty Weezer to take on. Did the pink triangle on her shirt let you know the truth? Then sing along, my despondent hetero friend.
Pink Triangle
5) Finally, the oldest problem in the book – they used to kiss you, but now it’s someone else.
Anyone who says they’ve not felt this sting wants to check their pants for signs of fire. It’s the oldest heartache in the book – so why not add a spoonful of sugar, one of the biggest choruses of the band’s career – oh yeah, and the motherfucking MUPPETS for the music video to take the sting out of this all-too-common tale? Oh, and Weezer? Not saying you’re NOT good actors but when you’re outshone by fictional characters, maybe put a bit more effort in next time.
Keep Fishin’
6) And one for luck... you don’t know how to impress the one you want to kiss.
Simple – gather three supportive friends and learn this like it’s your last task on earth. Then all you have to do is head to your beloved’s address, and all they have to do is wind down the window. This one’s not written by Weezer but they will teach you how to sing it.
My Evaline
I’ve also put all these lessons in love on one handy Spotify playlist, which blows my anonymity for this week, but it’s a small price to pay to mend even one broken heart with the majesty of song.
Weezer Fiction Section
You’re welcome.
Rivers Cuomo, singer with Weezer, has seen it all. He’s played Johnny Casino in a high school production of Grease. He’s married with a kid. He’s hooked up with fans. He wrote a song about being frustrated that he couldn’t be with a Japanese fan. He was celibate for years. He released an album so raw about heartbreak that he refused to play songs from it for the best part of ten years (though he soon did a U-turn to cash in with the Pinkerton tour, special edition, t-shirt and diary). He’s released one of the worst albums ever made (Make Believe) and two of the best (Blue/Pinkerton). In short - he knows the territory when it comes to heartache and disappointment.
So, here are five heartache scenarios, with a Weezer song to fit. You got the poison? Weez’ got the remedy.
1) No one wants to kiss you. You wouldn’t even kiss yourself.
Pic k yourself out of the gutter, friend – it’s time for a self-esteem injection via song. Rivers used to be ignored at every turn, but these days he’s banging out tunes like The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, where he asserts via spoken word, punkrock choruses and all manner of rock operaesque devices that he’s not just a man, he’s the greatest man. It’s the closest the underdog-loving nerd-heavy underbelly that is geek rock gets to an R Kelly song. I firmly believe every generation gets the Bohemian Rhapsody it deserves – and we have been GOOD. One listen and you’ll believe a dork can fly. Best of luck getting the ladies to be ‘all up on your behind, cos you were born to shine’.
I Am The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived
2) You used to get the kisses, but you’ve become a recluse.
It’s OK. Life gets in the way, you’re working too hard, your friends are married or busy or just rude. It’s time to pick yourself back up and get back to partying while it’s still just arrested development and not a full-blown mid life crisis. The video for this one features Chloe from 24 for full geek points too.
The Good Life (video starring Chloe from 24)
3) Every time you get someone to kiss you, they leave.
“Why bother/It’s gonna hurt me/It’s gonna kill when you desert me/This happened to me twice before/It won’t happen to me anymore”. This is one Weezer track where I wouldn’t recommend taking it at face value. Don’t give up before you’ve even started. But DO put this on in the throes of a breakup to stop you going full melancholy and answering your door in just tears and a dressing gown at 4 in the afternoon. It’s two and a quarter minutes of pure ‘Love? Fuck it.’ Just make sure you don’t mean it forever.
Why Bother
4) You’re straight, but the person you want to kiss is gay.
Sure it’s a niche problem, but not too niche for the mighty Weezer to take on. Did the pink triangle on her shirt let you know the truth? Then sing along, my despondent hetero friend.
Pink Triangle
5) Finally, the oldest problem in the book – they used to kiss you, but now it’s someone else.
Anyone who says they’ve not felt this sting wants to check their pants for signs of fire. It’s the oldest heartache in the book – so why not add a spoonful of sugar, one of the biggest choruses of the band’s career – oh yeah, and the motherfucking MUPPETS for the music video to take the sting out of this all-too-common tale? Oh, and Weezer? Not saying you’re NOT good actors but when you’re outshone by fictional characters, maybe put a bit more effort in next time.
Keep Fishin’
6) And one for luck... you don’t know how to impress the one you want to kiss.
Simple – gather three supportive friends and learn this like it’s your last task on earth. Then all you have to do is head to your beloved’s address, and all they have to do is wind down the window. This one’s not written by Weezer but they will teach you how to sing it.
My Evaline
I’ve also put all these lessons in love on one handy Spotify playlist, which blows my anonymity for this week, but it’s a small price to pay to mend even one broken heart with the majesty of song.
Weezer Fiction Section
You’re welcome.
Monday, 18 July 2011
KISSING
Okay, let me start this off by eradicating all romantic hope, all sense of longing, all ‘I bet that’s what it would be like if he were to kiss me…’ by telling you this: movie kisses are not real kisses. At all, ever. I’ve seen the odd comedy that will go down the ‘Hey! We’re just like you!’ route by having their characters bump heads, but that’s not real either (curse you, Hollywood directors!). Let’s face it, we all know thatin real life, a bumped head is nothing. In real life, you usually end up cutting your lip on his braces, or snogging an ashtray (don’t ask), or ending up with ketchup smeared all over your face (really, don’t ask).
So, in summation this:
ever happen. Because we’re not cute, and we can’t dance. And I genuinely don’t think I could carry a watermelon more than 10 yards. But if you could, perhaps you should watch Dirty Dancing and look for Top Tips on how to snare your very own Johnny Castle.
This:
DEFINITELY won’t happen. EVER. The sooner we all come to realize that Ryan Gosling DOES NOT KNOW WHO WE ARE and never, ever will, no matter how many times we blow out the candles on our birthday cakes with our eyes tightly shut WISHING that one day he will – it’s not gonna happen. We will never be thrust into those burly arms. For a little escapism, though, watch The Notebook.
And finally, this:
has ever, nor will ever, actually happen. Mainly because we are not canines. Still makes me weep, though. Make yourself some spag bol, grab your hanky and watch The Lady and The Tramp.
Wear chapstick, folks.
So, in summation this:
will never happen. Not to you, nor I. A TOTALLY HOT DUDE who has been made to look geeky but is actually still TOTALLY HOT will not fall hopelessly in love with you and snog you in the rain. Upside down. Oh, and did I mention hes a superhero? Oh yeah. If you want to dream big though, feel free to watch Spiderman.
Nor will this:
ever happen. Because we’re not cute, and we can’t dance. And I genuinely don’t think I could carry a watermelon more than 10 yards. But if you could, perhaps you should watch Dirty Dancing and look for Top Tips on how to snare your very own Johnny Castle.This:
DEFINITELY won’t happen. EVER. The sooner we all come to realize that Ryan Gosling DOES NOT KNOW WHO WE ARE and never, ever will, no matter how many times we blow out the candles on our birthday cakes with our eyes tightly shut WISHING that one day he will – it’s not gonna happen. We will never be thrust into those burly arms. For a little escapism, though, watch The Notebook.And finally, this:
has ever, nor will ever, actually happen. Mainly because we are not canines. Still makes me weep, though. Make yourself some spag bol, grab your hanky and watch The Lady and The Tramp.Wear chapstick, folks.
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