Top Five Stories on Google News with the Word "Kissing" in Them as of Sunday 17 July
1. James Bond director Sam Mendes lures Rhys Ifans, who once kissed Daniel Craig
The Telegraph clearly doing a cracking SEO job here. Mostly it’s about Rhys Ifans joining the cast of the next Bond film. And a bit about them doing an on-screen kiss in Enduring Love.
2. Kissing and cuddling more important to men
According to this newspaper in Montreal, men are actually happier in relationships and enjoy a good snuggle. Apparently Japanese men and women are the happiest and most sexually satisfied. The Americans are very much not satisfied.
3. Gardai investigated claim bishop kissed teenage altar boy
Another unhappy tale of a Catholic bishop being a giant pervert. Clearly not happy with men his own age, which is OLD, this wayward religious man went after a teenage boy instead.
4. Questions remain from 'kissing case'
A slightly odd column from a newspaper in Charlotte, N Carolina about a case from 1958 where two schoolboys were accused of rape after a young girl gave them a kiss on the cheek.
5. Harry Potter And The Alternative History of Movie Kisses
Prompted by the furore around the much-anticipated kiss between Hermione and Ron in the new Harry Potter film, this writer provides a list of kisses that are better. Includes such delights as Planet of the Apes, Dumb and Dumber and Jackass 3D.
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
Sunday, 24 July 2011
KISSING
Hey there bud, what’s wrong? No-one wants to kiss you? Straight, and the person you wanted to kiss turned out to be gay? The person you used to kiss now kisses someone else? Well don’t fret. Because Weezer have written a song for every occasion.
Rivers Cuomo, singer with Weezer, has seen it all. He’s played Johnny Casino in a high school production of Grease. He’s married with a kid. He’s hooked up with fans. He wrote a song about being frustrated that he couldn’t be with a Japanese fan. He was celibate for years. He released an album so raw about heartbreak that he refused to play songs from it for the best part of ten years (though he soon did a U-turn to cash in with the Pinkerton tour, special edition, t-shirt and diary). He’s released one of the worst albums ever made (Make Believe) and two of the best (Blue/Pinkerton). In short - he knows the territory when it comes to heartache and disappointment.
So, here are five heartache scenarios, with a Weezer song to fit. You got the poison? Weez’ got the remedy.
1) No one wants to kiss you. You wouldn’t even kiss yourself.
Pic k yourself out of the gutter, friend – it’s time for a self-esteem injection via song. Rivers used to be ignored at every turn, but these days he’s banging out tunes like The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, where he asserts via spoken word, punkrock choruses and all manner of rock operaesque devices that he’s not just a man, he’s the greatest man. It’s the closest the underdog-loving nerd-heavy underbelly that is geek rock gets to an R Kelly song. I firmly believe every generation gets the Bohemian Rhapsody it deserves – and we have been GOOD. One listen and you’ll believe a dork can fly. Best of luck getting the ladies to be ‘all up on your behind, cos you were born to shine’.
I Am The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived
2) You used to get the kisses, but you’ve become a recluse.
It’s OK. Life gets in the way, you’re working too hard, your friends are married or busy or just rude. It’s time to pick yourself back up and get back to partying while it’s still just arrested development and not a full-blown mid life crisis. The video for this one features Chloe from 24 for full geek points too.
The Good Life (video starring Chloe from 24)
3) Every time you get someone to kiss you, they leave.
“Why bother/It’s gonna hurt me/It’s gonna kill when you desert me/This happened to me twice before/It won’t happen to me anymore”. This is one Weezer track where I wouldn’t recommend taking it at face value. Don’t give up before you’ve even started. But DO put this on in the throes of a breakup to stop you going full melancholy and answering your door in just tears and a dressing gown at 4 in the afternoon. It’s two and a quarter minutes of pure ‘Love? Fuck it.’ Just make sure you don’t mean it forever.
Why Bother
4) You’re straight, but the person you want to kiss is gay.
Sure it’s a niche problem, but not too niche for the mighty Weezer to take on. Did the pink triangle on her shirt let you know the truth? Then sing along, my despondent hetero friend.
Pink Triangle
5) Finally, the oldest problem in the book – they used to kiss you, but now it’s someone else.
Anyone who says they’ve not felt this sting wants to check their pants for signs of fire. It’s the oldest heartache in the book – so why not add a spoonful of sugar, one of the biggest choruses of the band’s career – oh yeah, and the motherfucking MUPPETS for the music video to take the sting out of this all-too-common tale? Oh, and Weezer? Not saying you’re NOT good actors but when you’re outshone by fictional characters, maybe put a bit more effort in next time.
Keep Fishin’
6) And one for luck... you don’t know how to impress the one you want to kiss.
Simple – gather three supportive friends and learn this like it’s your last task on earth. Then all you have to do is head to your beloved’s address, and all they have to do is wind down the window. This one’s not written by Weezer but they will teach you how to sing it.
My Evaline
I’ve also put all these lessons in love on one handy Spotify playlist, which blows my anonymity for this week, but it’s a small price to pay to mend even one broken heart with the majesty of song.
Weezer Fiction Section
You’re welcome.
Rivers Cuomo, singer with Weezer, has seen it all. He’s played Johnny Casino in a high school production of Grease. He’s married with a kid. He’s hooked up with fans. He wrote a song about being frustrated that he couldn’t be with a Japanese fan. He was celibate for years. He released an album so raw about heartbreak that he refused to play songs from it for the best part of ten years (though he soon did a U-turn to cash in with the Pinkerton tour, special edition, t-shirt and diary). He’s released one of the worst albums ever made (Make Believe) and two of the best (Blue/Pinkerton). In short - he knows the territory when it comes to heartache and disappointment.
So, here are five heartache scenarios, with a Weezer song to fit. You got the poison? Weez’ got the remedy.
1) No one wants to kiss you. You wouldn’t even kiss yourself.
Pic k yourself out of the gutter, friend – it’s time for a self-esteem injection via song. Rivers used to be ignored at every turn, but these days he’s banging out tunes like The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, where he asserts via spoken word, punkrock choruses and all manner of rock operaesque devices that he’s not just a man, he’s the greatest man. It’s the closest the underdog-loving nerd-heavy underbelly that is geek rock gets to an R Kelly song. I firmly believe every generation gets the Bohemian Rhapsody it deserves – and we have been GOOD. One listen and you’ll believe a dork can fly. Best of luck getting the ladies to be ‘all up on your behind, cos you were born to shine’.
I Am The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived
2) You used to get the kisses, but you’ve become a recluse.
It’s OK. Life gets in the way, you’re working too hard, your friends are married or busy or just rude. It’s time to pick yourself back up and get back to partying while it’s still just arrested development and not a full-blown mid life crisis. The video for this one features Chloe from 24 for full geek points too.
The Good Life (video starring Chloe from 24)
3) Every time you get someone to kiss you, they leave.
“Why bother/It’s gonna hurt me/It’s gonna kill when you desert me/This happened to me twice before/It won’t happen to me anymore”. This is one Weezer track where I wouldn’t recommend taking it at face value. Don’t give up before you’ve even started. But DO put this on in the throes of a breakup to stop you going full melancholy and answering your door in just tears and a dressing gown at 4 in the afternoon. It’s two and a quarter minutes of pure ‘Love? Fuck it.’ Just make sure you don’t mean it forever.
Why Bother
4) You’re straight, but the person you want to kiss is gay.
Sure it’s a niche problem, but not too niche for the mighty Weezer to take on. Did the pink triangle on her shirt let you know the truth? Then sing along, my despondent hetero friend.
Pink Triangle
5) Finally, the oldest problem in the book – they used to kiss you, but now it’s someone else.
Anyone who says they’ve not felt this sting wants to check their pants for signs of fire. It’s the oldest heartache in the book – so why not add a spoonful of sugar, one of the biggest choruses of the band’s career – oh yeah, and the motherfucking MUPPETS for the music video to take the sting out of this all-too-common tale? Oh, and Weezer? Not saying you’re NOT good actors but when you’re outshone by fictional characters, maybe put a bit more effort in next time.
Keep Fishin’
6) And one for luck... you don’t know how to impress the one you want to kiss.
Simple – gather three supportive friends and learn this like it’s your last task on earth. Then all you have to do is head to your beloved’s address, and all they have to do is wind down the window. This one’s not written by Weezer but they will teach you how to sing it.
My Evaline
I’ve also put all these lessons in love on one handy Spotify playlist, which blows my anonymity for this week, but it’s a small price to pay to mend even one broken heart with the majesty of song.
Weezer Fiction Section
You’re welcome.
Monday, 18 July 2011
KISSING
Okay, let me start this off by eradicating all romantic hope, all sense of longing, all ‘I bet that’s what it would be like if he were to kiss me…’ by telling you this: movie kisses are not real kisses. At all, ever. I’ve seen the odd comedy that will go down the ‘Hey! We’re just like you!’ route by having their characters bump heads, but that’s not real either (curse you, Hollywood directors!). Let’s face it, we all know thatin real life, a bumped head is nothing. In real life, you usually end up cutting your lip on his braces, or snogging an ashtray (don’t ask), or ending up with ketchup smeared all over your face (really, don’t ask).
So, in summation this:
ever happen. Because we’re not cute, and we can’t dance. And I genuinely don’t think I could carry a watermelon more than 10 yards. But if you could, perhaps you should watch Dirty Dancing and look for Top Tips on how to snare your very own Johnny Castle.
This:
DEFINITELY won’t happen. EVER. The sooner we all come to realize that Ryan Gosling DOES NOT KNOW WHO WE ARE and never, ever will, no matter how many times we blow out the candles on our birthday cakes with our eyes tightly shut WISHING that one day he will – it’s not gonna happen. We will never be thrust into those burly arms. For a little escapism, though, watch The Notebook.
And finally, this:
has ever, nor will ever, actually happen. Mainly because we are not canines. Still makes me weep, though. Make yourself some spag bol, grab your hanky and watch The Lady and The Tramp.
Wear chapstick, folks.
So, in summation this:
will never happen. Not to you, nor I. A TOTALLY HOT DUDE who has been made to look geeky but is actually still TOTALLY HOT will not fall hopelessly in love with you and snog you in the rain. Upside down. Oh, and did I mention hes a superhero? Oh yeah. If you want to dream big though, feel free to watch Spiderman.
Nor will this:
ever happen. Because we’re not cute, and we can’t dance. And I genuinely don’t think I could carry a watermelon more than 10 yards. But if you could, perhaps you should watch Dirty Dancing and look for Top Tips on how to snare your very own Johnny Castle.This:
DEFINITELY won’t happen. EVER. The sooner we all come to realize that Ryan Gosling DOES NOT KNOW WHO WE ARE and never, ever will, no matter how many times we blow out the candles on our birthday cakes with our eyes tightly shut WISHING that one day he will – it’s not gonna happen. We will never be thrust into those burly arms. For a little escapism, though, watch The Notebook.And finally, this:
has ever, nor will ever, actually happen. Mainly because we are not canines. Still makes me weep, though. Make yourself some spag bol, grab your hanky and watch The Lady and The Tramp.Wear chapstick, folks.
THE LAST 7 DAYS
In the last seven days I went to watch Bridesmaids. Here’s five reasons why weddings are scary and weird.
1. They cost all the money you have and a lot of what your parents have. Some people expect their parents to pay for all their wedding. This is quite strange given they’re probably 28 and have been living away from home for ten years and already have jobs. The average cost of a wedding these days is £18,000 according to the top result on Google for “average cost of a wedding”. That’s £18,000 for a party. Personally, I’d rather take the money and have half a year off work.
2. Planning the £18,000 party is virtually a full-time job and turns brides from normally carefree happy people into crazed despots with a battlefield mentality.
3. Suddenly you’re obliged to set foot inside clubs you’ve spent your 20s avoiding in the name of hen and stag nights. Suddenly Oceana is acceptable again. As is fancy dress. I once went to on a circus-themed hen night to Liverpool. Unlike most hen nights we just looked like we’d stepped out of a circus rather than sexing up the outfits. We got a LOT of odd looks from the yellow, shiny cyborgs of Liverpool.
4. It turns people into hypocrites. They’ve not been near a church service in years, they follow Christianity about as closely as the the politics of Uzbekistan, yet they want to get married in a church. There they will sing hymns about being close pals with God and say prayers. And then they will not go near one again - until their friends get married.
5. They somehow turn Chris O’Dowd into a romantic character. My brain is still processing this.
1. They cost all the money you have and a lot of what your parents have. Some people expect their parents to pay for all their wedding. This is quite strange given they’re probably 28 and have been living away from home for ten years and already have jobs. The average cost of a wedding these days is £18,000 according to the top result on Google for “average cost of a wedding”. That’s £18,000 for a party. Personally, I’d rather take the money and have half a year off work.
2. Planning the £18,000 party is virtually a full-time job and turns brides from normally carefree happy people into crazed despots with a battlefield mentality.
3. Suddenly you’re obliged to set foot inside clubs you’ve spent your 20s avoiding in the name of hen and stag nights. Suddenly Oceana is acceptable again. As is fancy dress. I once went to on a circus-themed hen night to Liverpool. Unlike most hen nights we just looked like we’d stepped out of a circus rather than sexing up the outfits. We got a LOT of odd looks from the yellow, shiny cyborgs of Liverpool.
4. It turns people into hypocrites. They’ve not been near a church service in years, they follow Christianity about as closely as the the politics of Uzbekistan, yet they want to get married in a church. There they will sing hymns about being close pals with God and say prayers. And then they will not go near one again - until their friends get married.
5. They somehow turn Chris O’Dowd into a romantic character. My brain is still processing this.
Monday, 11 July 2011
THE LAST 7 DAYS
Brace yourselves, because I’m about to go ‘fully hippy’ on you.
I really love random acts of kindness. I don’t mean the recent version co-opted by forward-thinking corporations; giving twitter followers something or putting an extra badge in with your t-shirt order. I mean little unexpected touches with no financial incentive/gameplan, that someone you don’t know will receive. My main unfulfilled plan for a random act is to attach mistletoe to the rails of tubes at Christmas – an idea that never got past the planning stage due to my general fear of being responsible for a security alert/long tube delay (and at Christmas!)
For the last seven days I’ve left a postcard a day in a different place, with a short message and the offer of some kind of task or freebie, to a) see what (if any) the response is like, b) to help document other things I’ve been doing over the last week and c) for the pure ‘random act of kindness’ness of it. People ask: Why bother? But when the entire task cost about 30p and the same time it takes to watch an episode of Hollyoaks, surely it’s a case of Why wouldn’t you?
Each postcard has a brief explanation on it:
This is postcard (number) of 7. One is left each day for a week around London as part of an experiment for The Fiction Section (and then our contact details)
1) Sunday
Postcard says on the reverse:
So nice to see a non-stuffy craft fair! In return, let me make you a Spotify playlist. Email your five favourite songs to… (email address)
Postcard left:
At Of Cabbages and Kings craft market, Stoke Newington
2) Monday
Postcard says on the reverse:
Hi there,
I wonder if this postcard will ever be read by someone. Perhaps someone sorting unfranked/unstamped mail. How many unpostable items do you see a day. Tell me and I’ll make you a mix CD!
Postcard left:
Inside a post box in Tufnell Park
3) Tuesday
Postcard says on the reverse:
Hello gym goer. What are your tips for the best exercise? Let me know and I’ll send you a pack of ten of these postcards.
Postcard left:
At the back of gym locker #51
4) Wednesday
Postcard says on the reverse:
Thanks for outdoor swimming. Get in touch and I’ll pay for your next (£2, evening) lido trip. Why not?
Postcard left:
At the entrance to Parliament Hill Lido
5) Thursday
Postcard says on the reverse:
Hello fellow Bodeans enjoyer. Here are my tips for the best Bodeans:
1) Pulled pork > any other burger
2) Sign up on Bodeans’ website for a Q card = free stuff every visit
3) Get a loyalty card = even more free stuff
4) Don’t go large unless you’ve skipped lunch
Tell us a tip w/ your address and I’ll sign you up for a Bodeans Q card.
Postcard left:
Behind the menus at Bodeans, Soho
6) Friday
Postcard says on the reverse:
Hello there!
It’s Friday (at the time of writing) – what does your weekend hold? Doing anything exciting? If not, email me with 5 interests and I’ll find you 10 things to do. Promise.
Postcard left:
In the corner of a billboard ad next to Hampstead Heath
7) Saturday
I felt this postcard design was the most honest – this wasn’t really about a dialogue with other people, more my own interest in myself as the writer and distributor.
Postcard says on the reverse:
Hey there! Going to Croatia? That’s cool. I’d like to go soon. Via work I got this free VIP ticket to a dance festival there with Roots Manuva, Little Dragon and Zero 7 and loads of others. Want it? Have it. Hope it reaches someone in time. Let me know (attached is a ticket to a festival in Croatia)
Postcard left:
Inside a guidebook to Croatia in Angel
Each postcard is taken from the excellent McSweeney’s postcard box ‘Greetings from the Ocean’s Sweaty Face’: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Greetings-Oceans-Sweaty-Face-McSweeneys/dp/0811866432 - which, for the record, I spent a lot more than £9.10 on (hmph).
I’ll send a postcard to anyone that contacts thefictionsection@gmail.com with their address in the seven days after this is posted too.
I really love random acts of kindness. I don’t mean the recent version co-opted by forward-thinking corporations; giving twitter followers something or putting an extra badge in with your t-shirt order. I mean little unexpected touches with no financial incentive/gameplan, that someone you don’t know will receive. My main unfulfilled plan for a random act is to attach mistletoe to the rails of tubes at Christmas – an idea that never got past the planning stage due to my general fear of being responsible for a security alert/long tube delay (and at Christmas!)
For the last seven days I’ve left a postcard a day in a different place, with a short message and the offer of some kind of task or freebie, to a) see what (if any) the response is like, b) to help document other things I’ve been doing over the last week and c) for the pure ‘random act of kindness’ness of it. People ask: Why bother? But when the entire task cost about 30p and the same time it takes to watch an episode of Hollyoaks, surely it’s a case of Why wouldn’t you?
Each postcard has a brief explanation on it:
This is postcard (number) of 7. One is left each day for a week around London as part of an experiment for The Fiction Section (and then our contact details)
1) Sunday
Postcard says on the reverse:So nice to see a non-stuffy craft fair! In return, let me make you a Spotify playlist. Email your five favourite songs to… (email address)
Postcard left:At Of Cabbages and Kings craft market, Stoke Newington
2) Monday
Postcard says on the reverse:Hi there,
I wonder if this postcard will ever be read by someone. Perhaps someone sorting unfranked/unstamped mail. How many unpostable items do you see a day. Tell me and I’ll make you a mix CD!
Postcard left:Inside a post box in Tufnell Park
3) Tuesday
Postcard says on the reverse:Hello gym goer. What are your tips for the best exercise? Let me know and I’ll send you a pack of ten of these postcards.
Postcard left:
At the back of gym locker #51
4) Wednesday
Postcard says on the reverse:Thanks for outdoor swimming. Get in touch and I’ll pay for your next (£2, evening) lido trip. Why not?
Postcard left:At the entrance to Parliament Hill Lido
5) Thursday
Postcard says on the reverse:Hello fellow Bodeans enjoyer. Here are my tips for the best Bodeans:
1) Pulled pork > any other burger
2) Sign up on Bodeans’ website for a Q card = free stuff every visit
3) Get a loyalty card = even more free stuff
4) Don’t go large unless you’ve skipped lunch
Tell us a tip w/ your address and I’ll sign you up for a Bodeans Q card.
Postcard left:Behind the menus at Bodeans, Soho
6) Friday
Postcard says on the reverse:Hello there!
It’s Friday (at the time of writing) – what does your weekend hold? Doing anything exciting? If not, email me with 5 interests and I’ll find you 10 things to do. Promise.
Postcard left: In the corner of a billboard ad next to Hampstead Heath
7) Saturday
I felt this postcard design was the most honest – this wasn’t really about a dialogue with other people, more my own interest in myself as the writer and distributor.Postcard says on the reverse:
Hey there! Going to Croatia? That’s cool. I’d like to go soon. Via work I got this free VIP ticket to a dance festival there with Roots Manuva, Little Dragon and Zero 7 and loads of others. Want it? Have it. Hope it reaches someone in time. Let me know (attached is a ticket to a festival in Croatia)
Postcard left: Inside a guidebook to Croatia in Angel
Each postcard is taken from the excellent McSweeney’s postcard box ‘Greetings from the Ocean’s Sweaty Face’: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Greetings-Oceans-Sweaty-Face-McSweeneys/dp/0811866432 - which, for the record, I spent a lot more than £9.10 on (hmph).
I’ll send a postcard to anyone that contacts thefictionsection@gmail.com with their address in the seven days after this is posted too.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
CULTS
The ballad of Cults Chaplain
I searched Facebook for Cults - specifically, individuals calling themselves Cults.
I found Cults Chaplain first.
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1318761410
He has no picture and only three friends –
1)Symply Jack
2)Aзаг Тот
3)Grinning Skull
But each one of these friends extends out into a growing network of other similarly titled friends: ‘Crafty Plonkton’, ‘My Darling’, ‘Cthulhu's Inquisitor’, it goes on. No-one in the network seems to have more than 20 friends. No-one shares their information beyond a profile picture and their friends (and around half don’t even have a picture) Most have seemingly Russian names or clearly fictitious names.
Eventually through a six degrees of Kevin Bacon type scenario I eventually ‘meet' the Reverend Donald Derby, who is married, has over 500 friends and , curiously, a profile picture of the recently deceased wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage about to lay a drop on Jesus (as seen here: http://hereticaljargon.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/macho-man-jesus.jpg?w=640&h=720)
Plus – this guy likes Ghostbusters, Fear and Loathing and Snoop Dogg. Have we happened upon America’s least reverend reverend? Or an imposter who has given himself the title under false pretences. And who is this army of falsely named seemingly Russian recluses who led us to him? Who creates a network where almost no-one has a genuine photo or name and that only connects a handful of people to each other? Hackers? Kids? An ACTUAL cult?
Only one way to find out - I've friend requested Cults Chaplain. He/she has yet to respond.
I searched Facebook for Cults - specifically, individuals calling themselves Cults.
I found Cults Chaplain first.
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1318761410
He has no picture and only three friends –
1)Symply Jack
2)Aзаг Тот
3)Grinning Skull
But each one of these friends extends out into a growing network of other similarly titled friends: ‘Crafty Plonkton’, ‘My Darling’, ‘Cthulhu's Inquisitor’, it goes on. No-one in the network seems to have more than 20 friends. No-one shares their information beyond a profile picture and their friends (and around half don’t even have a picture) Most have seemingly Russian names or clearly fictitious names.
Eventually through a six degrees of Kevin Bacon type scenario I eventually ‘meet' the Reverend Donald Derby, who is married, has over 500 friends and , curiously, a profile picture of the recently deceased wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage about to lay a drop on Jesus (as seen here: http://hereticaljargon.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/macho-man-jesus.jpg?w=640&h=720)
Plus – this guy likes Ghostbusters, Fear and Loathing and Snoop Dogg. Have we happened upon America’s least reverend reverend? Or an imposter who has given himself the title under false pretences. And who is this army of falsely named seemingly Russian recluses who led us to him? Who creates a network where almost no-one has a genuine photo or name and that only connects a handful of people to each other? Hackers? Kids? An ACTUAL cult?
Only one way to find out - I've friend requested Cults Chaplain. He/she has yet to respond.
Friday, 8 July 2011
CULTS
I came across the website for a university based in Massachussetts that has a surprisingly in-depth section dealing with avoiding cults at the university.
It lists all recognised religious groups before asking the following questions to help students determine if they're being targeted by a cult:
Source: http://www.tufts.edu/chaplaincy/chaplain/cults.html
Some Things to Look Out For
Some religious groups attempt to pressure individuals to accept religious beliefs which they do not already practice. If you become concerned about a group you have joined, observe the group's responses to you and how you feel. If you are sometimes uncomfortable or find a number of the following statements true about a group with which you are becoming involved, you should seek advice from a trusted person, outside of this group, and reconsider your involvement.
1. Does the group seem too perfect? Do people agree and accept all orders cheerfully?
2. In the group, do you find yourself without enough private time? enough nourishment? enough sleep?
3. Does the group claim to have "all the answers" to your problems? Does the group make claims they can't fulfill?
4. Does the group make it difficult to place phone calls, receive letters, visit with old friends, or discuss your thoughts with people you trust who are not in the group?
5. Does the group say that your parents and friends cannot understand or help you with religious matters?
6. Is it unacceptable to have doubts about what the group teaches or does? Is doubt seen as a sign of weakness?
7. Does the group view all aspects of your former life as bad? Is the group reluctant to accept you as you are? Do you feel pressure to change?
8. Is it proper to deceive people for the sake of the group?
9. Are you uncomfortable with the group's attitude towards women or a particular racial or ethnic group?
10.Does the group encourage you to put their meetings before all other commitments, including studying?
Now ask yourself - what happens when you apply questions 2, 6, 8, 9 and 10 to your workplace?
It lists all recognised religious groups before asking the following questions to help students determine if they're being targeted by a cult:
Source: http://www.tufts.edu/chaplaincy/chaplain/cults.html
Some Things to Look Out For
Some religious groups attempt to pressure individuals to accept religious beliefs which they do not already practice. If you become concerned about a group you have joined, observe the group's responses to you and how you feel. If you are sometimes uncomfortable or find a number of the following statements true about a group with which you are becoming involved, you should seek advice from a trusted person, outside of this group, and reconsider your involvement.
1. Does the group seem too perfect? Do people agree and accept all orders cheerfully?
2. In the group, do you find yourself without enough private time? enough nourishment? enough sleep?
3. Does the group claim to have "all the answers" to your problems? Does the group make claims they can't fulfill?
4. Does the group make it difficult to place phone calls, receive letters, visit with old friends, or discuss your thoughts with people you trust who are not in the group?
5. Does the group say that your parents and friends cannot understand or help you with religious matters?
6. Is it unacceptable to have doubts about what the group teaches or does? Is doubt seen as a sign of weakness?
7. Does the group view all aspects of your former life as bad? Is the group reluctant to accept you as you are? Do you feel pressure to change?
8. Is it proper to deceive people for the sake of the group?
9. Are you uncomfortable with the group's attitude towards women or a particular racial or ethnic group?
10.Does the group encourage you to put their meetings before all other commitments, including studying?
Now ask yourself - what happens when you apply questions 2, 6, 8, 9 and 10 to your workplace?
Thursday, 7 July 2011
CULTS
Sartorial gems from L. Ron Hubbard:
- A man should never be without his cravat
- White starched collars will always be a fashion favourite
- Every girl likes a sailor: invest in a sea captains cap
- Pastel shades perfeclt complement an auburn complexion
- Invent a new religion and stay ahead of the curve
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
CULTS
What are colloquially known as "cults" are really called "sects". Some sects do lots of murders and other unhappy things. Below are some of the daftest things that some sects believe in which don't include murder.
The Panacea Society
According to this gang of incredibly rich religiously minded folk, Jesus is going to reappear in Bedford one day and they've decked out their lovely houses readily. This is the setting of the Garden of Eden and Jesus will set up operations here. In Bedford. Which is convenient if it's not too far from where you already lived anyway.
Scientology
Reems and reems of internet have been taken up with reasons why Scientology is mental. In a nutshell, its believers reckon that 75 million years ago an alien called Xenu brought billions of his kind from the "Galactic Confederacy" in a spacecraft because his own planet was overcrowded. Here, he put them near volcanoes and detonated the volcanoes using hydrogen bombs. This killed all the inhabitants but their essence remained and it lives in human beings as "thetans" which are the cause of all bad things and must be flushed out. Yes, really. Scientologists also bully the hell out of anyone who is too vocal about their nuttiness and have Tom Cruise on their side.
Prince Philip Movement
On the remote islang od Tanna in Vanuatu there's a tribe called the Yaohnanen. They believe that, long ago, the son of a mountain spirit travelled across the seas and married a powerful lady. Thanks to colonialism, they came to the conclusion that this person must be Prince Philip - the socially inept husband of our Queen. They believe him to be a divine being and even his having visited the island has not deterred them. He's even sent them photos from time to time and they've sent gifts in return. To be fair, life must seem much easier when one of your deities actually writes back.
Church of Euthanasia
These rather uncheery fellows think there are too many humans roaming the planet and that we should kill ourselves to balance out the ratio between us and other species. Their four pillars are suicide, sodomy (you can't get pregnant that way), abortion and cannibalism - all handy for reducing down the number of humans. Murder is entirely prohibited, however, so it's not all bad. Their website makes for interesting reading: "Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to though, wait until after you've joined the Church. That way, you automatically become a saint, without any additional paperwork. Don't forget to leave a note thanking and/or blaming the Church, and feel free to will us your estate, if you have one."
Raëlism
Some of these cults really do love their UFOs. This one doesn't even believe in God, instead apparently humans were created using genetic engineering by aliens. Thankfully, they believe in humanism and that their creator, an alien called Elohim (which is actually Hebrew for "God") will return only when there's enough peace on earth, so they're hardly the bullying, money-grabbing kind. The founder, Raël - who claims he was told all this by 25,000-year-old alien in the 1970s - is, however, the sexually liberated sort who keeps a harem of sex workers for his own pleasure under the guise of pro-sex feminism. He also dresses a bit like he used to live on Krypton.
Church of Yahweh
Did you know all black people are actually Jewish? Well, that's what founder Hulon Mitchell, Jr believed. Despite Palestine having enough troubles with being so in demand, Mitchell would have rather liked his own cult to take over as it's their natural home. The white people living there are apparently "white devils" and the enemy of the true Jewish people. He also claimed ot be the son of God. He's dead now though.
Robert Pattison
Whether this man truly intended to arm himself with the planet's teenager girls will never truly be known, but that is what has happened. All over our globe there are millions of girls, most likely entirely normal-seeming, ready to rise up at a moment's notice. If you ever fancy testing their existence, say something negative about Pattison on the internet. You will be waking up to death threats for months.
The Panacea Society
According to this gang of incredibly rich religiously minded folk, Jesus is going to reappear in Bedford one day and they've decked out their lovely houses readily. This is the setting of the Garden of Eden and Jesus will set up operations here. In Bedford. Which is convenient if it's not too far from where you already lived anyway.
Scientology
Reems and reems of internet have been taken up with reasons why Scientology is mental. In a nutshell, its believers reckon that 75 million years ago an alien called Xenu brought billions of his kind from the "Galactic Confederacy" in a spacecraft because his own planet was overcrowded. Here, he put them near volcanoes and detonated the volcanoes using hydrogen bombs. This killed all the inhabitants but their essence remained and it lives in human beings as "thetans" which are the cause of all bad things and must be flushed out. Yes, really. Scientologists also bully the hell out of anyone who is too vocal about their nuttiness and have Tom Cruise on their side.
Prince Philip Movement
On the remote islang od Tanna in Vanuatu there's a tribe called the Yaohnanen. They believe that, long ago, the son of a mountain spirit travelled across the seas and married a powerful lady. Thanks to colonialism, they came to the conclusion that this person must be Prince Philip - the socially inept husband of our Queen. They believe him to be a divine being and even his having visited the island has not deterred them. He's even sent them photos from time to time and they've sent gifts in return. To be fair, life must seem much easier when one of your deities actually writes back.
Church of Euthanasia
These rather uncheery fellows think there are too many humans roaming the planet and that we should kill ourselves to balance out the ratio between us and other species. Their four pillars are suicide, sodomy (you can't get pregnant that way), abortion and cannibalism - all handy for reducing down the number of humans. Murder is entirely prohibited, however, so it's not all bad. Their website makes for interesting reading: "Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to though, wait until after you've joined the Church. That way, you automatically become a saint, without any additional paperwork. Don't forget to leave a note thanking and/or blaming the Church, and feel free to will us your estate, if you have one."
Raëlism
Some of these cults really do love their UFOs. This one doesn't even believe in God, instead apparently humans were created using genetic engineering by aliens. Thankfully, they believe in humanism and that their creator, an alien called Elohim (which is actually Hebrew for "God") will return only when there's enough peace on earth, so they're hardly the bullying, money-grabbing kind. The founder, Raël - who claims he was told all this by 25,000-year-old alien in the 1970s - is, however, the sexually liberated sort who keeps a harem of sex workers for his own pleasure under the guise of pro-sex feminism. He also dresses a bit like he used to live on Krypton.
Church of Yahweh
Did you know all black people are actually Jewish? Well, that's what founder Hulon Mitchell, Jr believed. Despite Palestine having enough troubles with being so in demand, Mitchell would have rather liked his own cult to take over as it's their natural home. The white people living there are apparently "white devils" and the enemy of the true Jewish people. He also claimed ot be the son of God. He's dead now though.
Robert Pattison
Whether this man truly intended to arm himself with the planet's teenager girls will never truly be known, but that is what has happened. All over our globe there are millions of girls, most likely entirely normal-seeming, ready to rise up at a moment's notice. If you ever fancy testing their existence, say something negative about Pattison on the internet. You will be waking up to death threats for months.
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
CULTS
1. Jeremy Clarkson
2. Larry Flynt
3. Margaret Thatcher
4. The guy I saw yesterday trying to start a fight after his girlfriend spilled her drink on someone
2. Larry Flynt
3. Margaret Thatcher
4. The guy I saw yesterday trying to start a fight after his girlfriend spilled her drink on someone
Oh hang on, I think I've misread this week's theme.
CULTS
This theme made me think of one thing - Film
So I'm going to give you 5 films you should watch that incorporate the cult image or witchcraft and/or paganism in some way:Faust - Jan Švankmajer ( 1994)
This is an adaptation of the classic story of Doctor Faustus, where he sells his soul to the devil in exchange for powers. The clever/eerie element of the film is the use of stop motion which give it a much darker edge over many films.
The Holy Mountain - Alejandro Jodorowsky (1973)
This film is intense and may require a second watch for some people or a quick spy on Wikipedia. There's no point explaining the plot, its a film showing ascension (that's the best skinny description I can give without ruining it for anyone, give it a chance).
Season of the Witch - George A. Romero (1972)
Not to be confused with the new film with Nick Cage in it, no, this is a George A. Romero film from the 70s (yeah, the guy who made zombie mainstream). This film is a horror based in American suburbia where a bored housewife dabbles in witchcraft.
Blood on Satans claw - Piers Haggard (1971) (full stream below)
Nice old school British horror about pagans trying to raise a demon in a sleepy English country village, it's a wonderful watch. I was lucky enough to be lent this film after watching Rosemary's Baby round a friend's house. This film also appears on Mark Gatiss' history of horror programmes on the BBC.
Haxan - Benjamin Christensen (1922) {full stream below}
Less of a film and more of a documentary, this is basically what it says on the tin. Haxan is translated into English as "Witch" and this documentary film is a study of practices, characteristics and behaviours of witches and also witch finders. It was banned in many countries due to its showing of torture, nudity and perversions. It's a very interesting and informative film, well worth a watch, although you might have to look around the internet to find a copy.
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