In the last seven days I went to watch Bridesmaids. Here’s five reasons why weddings are scary and weird.
1. They cost all the money you have and a lot of what your parents have. Some people expect their parents to pay for all their wedding. This is quite strange given they’re probably 28 and have been living away from home for ten years and already have jobs. The average cost of a wedding these days is £18,000 according to the top result on Google for “average cost of a wedding”. That’s £18,000 for a party. Personally, I’d rather take the money and have half a year off work.
2. Planning the £18,000 party is virtually a full-time job and turns brides from normally carefree happy people into crazed despots with a battlefield mentality.
3. Suddenly you’re obliged to set foot inside clubs you’ve spent your 20s avoiding in the name of hen and stag nights. Suddenly Oceana is acceptable again. As is fancy dress. I once went to on a circus-themed hen night to Liverpool. Unlike most hen nights we just looked like we’d stepped out of a circus rather than sexing up the outfits. We got a LOT of odd looks from the yellow, shiny cyborgs of Liverpool.
4. It turns people into hypocrites. They’ve not been near a church service in years, they follow Christianity about as closely as the the politics of Uzbekistan, yet they want to get married in a church. There they will sing hymns about being close pals with God and say prayers. And then they will not go near one again - until their friends get married.
5. They somehow turn Chris O’Dowd into a romantic character. My brain is still processing this.
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